Children are more capable of adapting to parental separation if their parents function effectively. Each parent will develop his or her own style of parenting, and each parent should be tolerant of the other’s parenting style with respect to that parent’s ability to make day-to-day decisions when the children are with him or her.

 Dolly strongly believes that any agreements reached by parents in mediation should be in their children’s best interests. Various studies have shown that these factors lead to:    

                                                                                             Better Outcomes For Children

1.   Reduced parental conflict, with well functioning co- parents, permitting the child to have a stable, loving relationship with the other parent.  

2. Absolving the child from any blame for the parents’ divorce.

3. Children should not be caught in the middle or feel that they have to take sides. They should not be used as messengers between their parents.

4. Speaking negatively about the other parent creates an emotional turmoil for the child.

5.   Establish two comfortable, secure homes and develop a parenting plan that gives your child access to both parents.

6. Children need to be reassured that they are loved by both parents and will not "lose" either one.

7. Be consistent with pick-up times and guard against cancelling plans with the child. If plans do change, give as much notice as possible.

8. Be responsible and prompt with child support payments and do not discuss child support in any way with the child.

                                                                              REACTIONS OF CHILDREN TO DIVORCE

Age                                            Reaction

0 – 3 years:    fears (need for consistent, stable, relationships), confusion, regression (back to diapers or bottle), loss of appetite, excessive crying, apathy, non-verbal sense of loss, feelings of abandonment

3 – 5 years:     fear of abandonment, confusion, anger, guilt, regression, aggression, emotional neediness, feeling "replaceable", hunger fantasies

6 – 8 years:    grief, sadness, feelings of deprivation, anger at the primary parent, crying, strong desire for parental reconciliation, loyalty conflicts

9 – 12 years:    anger, shaken sense of identity, possible somatic symptoms, alignment with one parent, distancing from family

Adolescence 13 – 18 years:    anger, mourning, loyalty conflicts, worry about money, need to become a parent substitute, temporary regression, sexual acting out if parents are in new relationships, anxiety about sex and marriage

PARENTS CAN HELP BY MINIMIZING CONFLICT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN 

Reassure children that the separation is not their fault, that they are not going to lose either parent, and that both parents love them very much.

HOME